In my first post I mentioned that I am into regular diary writing exercise. The whole account of my day had to be in the diary and I couldn't sleep properly if I didn't write the diary. I was a diaroholic. One of the "no-one-knows- secrets" I have is about finishing the pages of 11-12 diaries of 365 days each which contained my childhood emotions , to adolescent sentiments and from there the flight of the youth.
Now from past many years, I bought and continue to buy new diaries each year, but... I couldn't write about daily things anymore. People say "old habits die hard" but I left it there, and no more than a 3 months from the start I could continue to write.
A simple reason , the diary doesn't talk back to me. it never did
Why we confide the secret, our secret in our friends who are our confidante? Because they give us a solid advice. Every one needs it right? But, at times I felt my secrets getting leaked.. some friends were not supposed to be my friends at all. So, then and there. I chose to write in the diaries. I hid my self there, My cancerian instincts always played the game. People I liked , I appreciated them in my diary and those I didn't like, I defamed them in my diary. But I never played this on their face.
Tough situations came through, and My dairy helped me sailing through it, Like a loony kid, I wrote prayers in my diary...
"Dear Diary and Dearest God
You know how life is treating me..I am so good to all but no one thinks of me like that, Please repair their memory or modify it so they can only remember my best act to them and forget the bad part.
I will never fight with my friends.
I will share my lunch with them also.
I know you will help me tomorrow,
So please do. so
yes.. I will be good, I promise..
I know that God helps those who help themselves.
I will help in being good, you play your part fairly !
God you r the besssst "
Indeed, God helped me then and today also ! But diary wasn't being any better to improve me as a person actually.
Confiding truths in serious confabs with chums worked out for me when "We" all came out of age. But still I had some points which I never agreed with them.
MS- word helped me in one thing, I knew exactly in how many words I clicked my emotions on the keyboard. and how that all went useless to the recycle bin UNNOTICED and IT was the wake up alarm. Still the credit goes to internet !
I was writing without a motive, as no one ever knew my exact thoughts and my mind type. It wasn't helping me ....naah... not at all. I couldn't come out of my shell as a crab. I couldn't speak my mind.
ONLY this space helped me to evolve as a person and shed my inhibitions without fear of being laid back. I have left the "I may be wrong" doubt somewhere behind after 1 year of blogging. Here, my new friends from different continents helped me by extracting the only positive outlook in me. Which I secure as a smile on my face The optimist attitude which I have developed here couldn't be there if My fellow bloggers never corrected and then appreciated my improvements.
I prefer writing here, even if it is not days but after months, because blogging gives me a chance to share my experience. I have learnt that am not only one suffering most of the time, there are people in this community, who have suffered the worst. and this makes me strong when I read THEIR story.
I love blogging..this is the NEW me but what about diary entry?? I left writing on the paper.. A novel is what I will write perhaps so others can read .BUT I have only one of the best diary of 2003 safe with me.. it contains the accounts of meetings, Pizza eating and bunking school with my childhood sweetheart Faheim (my fiance). Thats the one..which is best than the rest..
What about the other ones ??
Hmm...they are sent for a good cause ... to be recycled in paper recycling factory.
To me blogging means improving yourself. I have blogged and I am still blogging,